Preview: The fifth annual Grainy Awards

We had a lot to celebrate in the golf world this year—and more than a little to laugh at—so welcome again to The Grainys, my highly subjective awards for the best and worst of the golf season just past. I promise that no one was fondled, groped, or coerced during the balloting (although I did notice a few courses that could do with a little extra irrigation).

The envelopes, please….

Best (or Worst) Horror Show
The Lexi Thompson ruling at ANA Inspiration (which is an uninspiring name for what used to be the Nabisco Dinah Shore). Even Lexi herself likened the four-shot penalty experience—called in by a television viewer, no less—to a nightmare. Friday the 13th fell on a Sunday this year.

Best Cinematography—But Worst Result
HDTV, 4D, OLED, and screens of 60 inches and more were able to pinpoint every flaw in turfgrass, players’ complexions, and commentators mis-views. Technology becomes our worst enemy. (See “Horror Show,” above.)

Worst Sound Mixing
When are television announcers going to do their homework and accurately explain how courses are set up and conditioned for tournament golf? Might I suggest that they remove the uncultivated organic matter from between their ears and actually talk to someone on the ground? Instead, their misinformation and glaring mistakes prevent the viewing audience from grasping some basic agronomic facts, which is making life hell for superintendents at thousands of everyday clubs around the country. Thanks for nothing, guys!

Best Director: Keith Wood, Golf Course Superintendent at Quail Hollow
Not only was the PGA Championship exciting to watch—particularly for an “August” major—give Keith and benevolent dictator Johnny Harris credit for needing a mere 95 days to put their golf course through all phases of construction and showcase it under exquisite championship conditions for the PGA of America. The course identified a great champion in Justin Thomas, whose father and grandfather are golf professionals (nice touch!), while Keith showed the world what a superintendent can do under extreme pressure in a very short time frame when given the resources and support.

Best Unadapted Screenplay:  The Rules of Golf
Opening up the Rules for review is a ruse to make us think we’re actually part of the game. But as we all know, or should by now, the governing bodies will do exactly what they want to do.  Maybe, just maybe they can make The Rules easier for their “Joe-Six Pack’s” among us.  

Best Original Musical
Make that “Musical Chairs.” Paul Latshaw Jr. to Merion, Chad Mark to Muirfield Village Golf Club from Inverness, John Zimmers to Inverness from Oakmont, Dave Delsandro moved up at Oakmont. What’s this, “Groundhog Day”? 

Worst Supporting Actress
Fox Sports misidentified U.S. Open champion Brooks Koepka’s girlfriend. Oops!

See the January 2018 edition of GCI for the entire 2017 Grainy Awards.