Traveling Tim’s Flying Circus

It’s travel season, time for volunteering at an event, attending industry-education seminars, and, most important, taking a family vacation. Whether you travel only on occasion or for a living, getting from here to there is harder and less comfortable than ever. Here, from someone with more than 2 million frequent flyer miles, are some hard-learned suggestions for making your air time more tolerable.

Reduce travel stress

Rush hour on the roads translates to rush hour in airports, too. Catching a late-afternoon flight on a Friday or taking the Sunday morning flight to be ready for the new workweek are not the best choices if you want to avoid the masses. Look into flying during off-peak days or the middle of the day — between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. — when the fares and throngs may be reduced.

Before selecting your seats, check out seatguru.com. This handy reference includes all airlines and aircraft types, grading their seats for comfort, recline, temperature and access. Unfortunately, no app can tell you in advance that you’ll be sitting next to the overly large arm-rest hogger, but seatguru.com can provide you a little more comfort.

Arrive early. Like most superintendents, I am a planner and don’t take anything for granted. So I get to the airport very early. When something goes wrong, I’d rather be sitting in the airport sipping my coffee and reading your tweets than racing to the gate at the last minute.

The modest $78 fee for five years in the TSA PreCheck security checkpoint is a worthwhile investment. Better yet, if you’re a regular flyer, is a system called CLEAR, which scans your eyes or fingerprints. Once “cleared,” you are whisked to the front of the security line. It’s clearly the preferred way to travel.

Once on board, keep your water bottle handy and, if you like a cone of silence, bring along noise-cancelling headphones. If, like me, you religiously keep hydrated, you might want to get an aisle seat for slightly easier access to the restroom.

If you’re staying in a hotel, simple requests can make life much more pleasant. Ask for a room well away from the elevator and the ice machine, and on neither the ground nor pet-friendly floors. Also, request the end of the hall and a non-adjoining room. These typically are the quietest rooms.

Who to watch out for?

Back in February 2021, I wrote a column called “I Know A Guy,” about those characters you’re sure to run into at your course. Well, guess what? Their cousins can make your time in the airport and on the plane seem considerably longer. Avoiding them can make for a more pleasant journey.

Gourmet Guy: What’s worse? The guy who doesn’t shower or the one bathed in the aromas of pizza, enchiladas, chow mein and burgers? Since the airlines started charging for food, people think they need to bring an international buffet onboard, and there’s nothing less appealing than sitting next to someone scarfing on your least favorite cuisine.

Barefoot (or Sandal) Boy: I don’t think my own feet are very attractive, to say nothing of the next guy’s. There’s not much you can do when you spot the bro in sandals or flip-flops other than avert your gaze. And beware of bare feet on the tray table or the seat in front of these guys, who feel they can “go native” at 30,000 feet.

Backpack Brigade: Backpacks trooping down the aisle are lethal weapons. I’ve been smacked in the face, shoulder, side and elsewhere by the backpack-wearer making a quick turn. Keep your arms raised and your face armed with an angry scowl.

The Seats Squatter: Flight delayed? That’s OK. Feel free to commandeer a whole row of chairs in the terminal, lay down, remove your shoes and stretch out for a bit. Put your feet up, make yourself at home, and keep your eyes shut while dozens of other people mill around looking for somewhere to sit.

Fuzzy Slippers Sally: It’s not a good look at home, even worse at the airport. I know people want to be comfortable on the plane, but the fashion choices some people make — midriff tops, yoga pants on someone who’s never done yoga, pajama bottoms — are nothing short of offensive. To themselves, as well.

The Junkyard Dog: Leave nothing behind, bring along everything you own, and try to stuff it in the overhead bins — lawn chairs, pillows, even a chicken in a cage. Their attempts to cram a storage unit worth of souvenirs and soup pans into the overhead would be funny if they didn’t delay departure and endanger their fellow passengers’ scalps.