April Facts

April is the cruelest month, said the poet, but for superintendents it’s a time of mixed blessings. It’s also time to separate the April fools from the April facts. Here, my friends, are the facts, hard truths that your members, green committees, boards of directors and customers need to know.

Feel free to post this article or reuse any parts of it that you like in any forum that will help you get these April facts across.

1. Fact

I, the golf course superintendent, am smarter than you are when it comes to the golf course. I am a highly trained professional and the most knowledgeable person when it comes to this piece of property and its care. I appreciate your gardening and landscaping abilities, but your lawn is not a golf course, so please trust and believe my knowledge.

2. Fact

You can’t argue with data, and your superintendent has numerous resources and tools that provide invaluable information on how to save money, prepare the course, manage nutrients, save water and more. When we explain to you what’s happening on the golf course, it’s based on data.

3. Fact

Weather is an excuse. And a good one. When a superintendent says you can’t do something due to rain, frost, humidity or heat, we’re not just saying it so we can have another cup of coffee. Climate is fluctuating, and we must be more diligent than ever in monitoring what’s going on and acting to protect our turfgrass and other elements of the course. So, when we say the weather isn’t cooperating, it would be nice if you would.

4. Fact

Corollary to the above: The weather is out of our control. Which is a good thing, because if we did control the weather, you would all be working for us!

5. Fact

A budget is a budget. We know that you only have so much money to devote to golf course conditioning and we really do try to stick to it. How would you feel if your company allocated $X to your division but your boss or customer demanded results that required $Y?

6. Fact

Golf is a game played outdoors, and if you go head-to-head with Mother Nature, you’re always going to lose. That means you need to adjust to the golf course, not vice versa, especially when it comes to sticking points for most players — green speeds, firmness, rough height, bunker conditions, etc. Learn to adjust your game to the conditions and you’ll have a much better experience. Outdoors.

7. Fact

Unless you’re playing Augusta National, don’t expect your course to play — or look — like Augusta National. I don’t care how much money the club spends, how many amenities are added, or how large the maintenance crew, it will never become Augusta National. They call the Masters “a tradition unlike any other” for a reason.

8. Fact

You like golf carts more than we do. But we’d like them a whole lot more if you knew how, and where, to drive them. Too much cart traffic is not good for dormant, wet, dry or stressed turf. When the sign reads “Cart Path Only,” they’re not decorations or targets.

9. Fact

Good golf course personnel do not grow on trees. Trained labor costs more but is well worth it. Far more than you could ever realize.

10. Fact

We love trees. But we know which ones don’t belong on the golf course and why.

11. Fact

Standing on a tee waving your arms and pointing does not make you a golf course architect. You’re entitled to your opinions on course design but leave the real work to the professionals.

There are no April fools here except those who don’t realize the limit of their knowledge and abilities. Please don’t insult me — and embarrass yourself — by thinking you know or care more about the golf course than I do.